sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
