I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
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