why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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