I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
