Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
