Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
