u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
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