I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
