girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
