I cut my penus on the lid.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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