I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
