just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
