If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
