Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
