He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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