The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
