My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Is it because I queefed?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
