every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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