just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
