so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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