whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
