I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I know her cup size but not her name....
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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