Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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