if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
