well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I think I am morally bankrupt
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
