i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
