I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize