I feel great
I just peed on a car
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
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