you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
