yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
