and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
