I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
