i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
