u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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