Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
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Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize