The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
