I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize