The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
