I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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