Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
