I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
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hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
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It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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