its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
