It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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