like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
