He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
