I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
