My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
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