Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
