I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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