the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Randomize
