the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
