i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
