oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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