Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
