with your own penis?
I'm lost and stupid without you.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
