So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
