Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
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all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Pooping to opera.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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