He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
