If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
