its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
