Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
