My friends, they love my intelligence
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
