so explain again why im purple
no
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
