well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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