No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
